Alternate Meanings

borrowed this list from Merle because it made me laugh.

<><> Alternate Meanings for established words: <><>

1. Coffee -- a person who is coughed upon.

2. Flabbergasted – appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate -- to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade – to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly -- impotent. 6

. Negligent – describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph -- to walk with a lisp. ??

8. Gargoyle – an olive flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence – emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steam-roller. 10. Balderdash – a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle – a humorous question on an exam.

12. Pokemon – A Jamaican proctologist.

I stay in my office to avoid becoming a coffee. I am flabbergasted and have completely abdicated. I don't esplanade and have never been negligent. I may lymph especially after an encounter with the Pokemon. Never been in a flatulence, used gargoyle or testicles and don't suffer from balderdash or willy-nilly.

The Big C has Left the Building

I don't want to repeat the last two days anytime soon. But it is nice to say that my little procedure is now a memory. At least the prep is a memory, not a great one. Everyone said that is the worst and it is completely true. The best thing I can say about it is that is probably the cleanest my insides have ever been. Soooooo, moving along. I have never been so thirsty in my life. After breakfast, all I had was clear liquids right up to the midnight hour. Then I could have nothing except a repeat of the cleansing cocktail which I had taken at 7 pm. The second dose I took at 7 am but without a liquid chaser. I brushed my teeth twice but the taste lingered on. And it's incredibly salty. My breath could have knocked over the doctor by the time I reached the hospital at 10. Keeping in mind that I have been on clear liquids most of the previous day, and most of that gone, you can imagine that I am a little on the freezing side. And the hospital is also freezing. But they did wrap me up in a warmed blanket that felt wonderful for about five minutes. Plus my cleansing cocktail is still working. Not until 11:15 do I get wheeled into the operating room. From my last surgery, I remember wheeling down that long bright hall into the operating room and then it was lights out. Today, I had a chance to really look around. Nothing like TV. My doctor is waiting at the door and I express my concern about the cocktail effects. He said only women worry about, men could care less. Wanting to put my best foot forward, I reply that we just want to be all clean and pretty, hoping a little levity will keep him relaxed. I guess it worked because he starts talking in a German accent. This freaks me out but I hide it well. I'm pretty sure I didn't imagine it because I haven't been medicated yet. So they start hooking me up to machines, take my blood pressure twice, bring out this instrument of torture which I would have preferred not to see, and the doc asks to roll over on my side facing away from him. (Is it my breath?) The last thing I remember is watching my heart beat on the monitor. Two seconds later I wake up, only the clock says it is 12:30 and I'm in the recovery room and my blood pressure cuff is tightening yet again. In walks my brother, Steve and his wife, Verona, come to take me home. They wheel me out to the car and Verona drives me home. I was a little rude as I walked right into the bedroom and fell asleep. Later I wake up, and hear Steve and Verona watching a movie, "Baptists at Our Barbecue," a real LDS favorite. I join them and remember they were asked to stay with me for four hours. I feel bad they have given up their whole day and send them home. Back to sleep. When I wake up, I seem to remember the nurse giving me pictures taken during the procedure. Surely that isn't true. It is, they are sitting on the kitchen counter. Yuck. But clean. Pretty?? I'm not going there. I can't find my car keys. I hope Verona has them. Good thing I have a spare. And it just occurred to me that I don't remember getting dressed. Weird. Next week, I go in to find out the results and I also get to have the Big M. Oh, grow up. Everyone knows what the Big M is.

The Big C

I'm not sure why I chose this image. My doctor doesn't look anything like this one and he didn't check out my throat at my annual last week. No fear, he checked out everything else. That little hammer of his sure can make my legs kick when he pounds on my knees. He even inquired about the reason for my weight loss. Keep in mind, it's been over a year since he's seen me, and he doesn't come across as the most observant person (in a non-doctor situation), so I was impressed that he noticed. (It was before I actually got on the scales) When I told him it was because he scared me so much at last year's exam, he explained that he thought I might have a love interest. I detected a note of disappointment. Isn't that just like a man? That I would only lose weight for another man and not to improve my health. And why didn't he remember that he was the one who strenuously adviced me to lost weight? Maybe because I never took this advice before. But it is nice that he would like me to have a social life. After all, he delivered both my babies, removed my gall bladder, comforted me when I was pregnant and separated from my soon-to-be ex-husband. Who else would ask me as I perched on the edge of his unspeakably uncomfortable chair with jarring back pain, "So are you ready to lose weight yet?" (It was another ten years before I could answer in the affirmative) So after the exam, we sat and chatted for a while. Doc is infamous for ripping the paper gown half way down the front in order to get his stethoscope where he can listen to my "Deep breath in, out, deep breath in" you get it. So we discussed politics while I sat on the examming table clutching the paper gown in front of me. False modesty? Perhaps. Other years we have discussed books, malpractice insurance, finances, etc. and I must say it can get a little cold when all you're wearing is a ripped paper gown. Anyway, it occurred to him that I had reached my life pinnacle, The Big 50! So when you saw the title to this blog, you may have thought of Calcium, Cholestrol, Cataracts or even Cancer. No, it is much worse. I can't even bring myself to write the word. So the procedure is next week and hopefully everything checks out. After looking for an image for this post, I can honestly say that I'm not looking forward to it. Now I know having a colo . . whoops, almost got me, I know it's not as bad as cancer. So far, I'm happy to avoid that and with Doc's help, I hope to remain healthy for many years to come. The question is, after thirty years with him, what will I do when he retires? (Book, try to keep the sarcastic remarks down to a minimum. We have the same doctor, but vastly different experiences)

The Long-awaited Answers

I enjoyed seeing the answers given on my "Take Your Pick" quiz. So as not to be offended, I avoided giving choices that might have negative connotations. As I said, this is a fun game and interesting to see how we perceive each other. Here are the right answers in bold, based on everyone accepting the premise that I know myself best:

1. Light purse, heavy heart . . . . . . . . . . . . Great Talkers, Little Doers I don't talk that much, do I?

2. Home grown . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Store bought I'm basically very lazy

3. Romance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Mystery No brainer

4. New York City . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .San Francisco Tough choice

5. Garnet . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sapphire

6. Better slip with foot than tongue . . . . . .Well done is better than well said I'm a klutz

7. Texas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Alaska See my reading blog, also fog vs. heat

8. Star Wars . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lord of the Rings Harry Potter's No 1

9. The Cat in the Hat . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Horton the Elephant Hate that cat

10. Bats in the Belfry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Lost your marbles Both equally applicable

11. Bronte . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Austen

12. Hugh Grant . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Colin Firth What can I say, he has a great smile

13. Walmart . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Target Smaller crowds, better quality

14. England . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Australia England, first, Australia, next

15. Foggy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Blazing heat Fog is great reading weather

16. Casual . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Meticulous As long as the job gets done

17. Washington . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Lincoln I think the wig turned me off

18. Elvis . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Beatles Duh!!

19. Coincidence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Planned

20. Myth . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Parable

21. East . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . West

22. Dictionary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Atlas It's at my side whenever I read

23. Luscious . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Lusty I'm more mental than physical???

24. Listen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Loyal I hope I'm a good listener. It's part of the job.

25. Loquacious . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Laconic See #1

43 Things - Yes It's Another List

I found this list on www.43things.com. I thought it was comment-worthy. There are all kinds of lists taken from people's answer to 43 things they want to do. This is just the top 15 of those listed under "Life."

Top 15 goals tagged life
1 - 15 (out of 100)

1.lose weight 12683 people
2.stop procrastinating 10291 people
3.write a book 8778 people
4.Fall in love 8513 people
5.be happy 7645 people
6.Get a tattoo 6575 people
7.get married 6517 people
8.drink more water 6502 people
9.go on a road trip with no predetermined destination 6277 people
10.Take more pictures 5929 people
11.travel the world 5867 people
12.see the northern lights 5712 people
13.Kiss in the rain 5430 people
14.Learn Spanish 5430 people
15.Save money 4904 people

Isn't it sad that the most people would say a life goal is to lost weight. And I am right there with them. I have lost some weight and plan on losing more. I think I will start on that tomorrow. Which leads to #2. Enough said. I believe #5 would have to head my list, followed by #1, #11, #9, #2, and #12. I'm wishy-washy on #4 and #7. I think #14 would be useful but it's not a driving ambition. #3 and #6 will probably never happen. And I think I have done #10, #8, #13 (would like to do that again) and #15 (It's an ongoing thing, never finished)

Take Your Pick

I bought a new game from a lady in my ward who does game parties along the lines of Pampered Chef and Creative Memories. My family has played it a couple of times and it's fun. Each card has a choice of two words and you try to guess which word a certain person will pick. Examples: Sunrise or sunset, mountain or beach, etc. You can order blank cards and make up your own choices. I thought of quite a few and decided to try them out on my blog to see how well you all know me. The first choice is A and the second is B. List your guesses in the comments section and then try this on your own blogs.
. . . . . . . A. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .B
1. Light purse, heavy heart . . . . . . . . . . . . Great Talkers, Little Doers
2. Home grown . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Store bought
3. Romance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Mystery
4. New York City . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .San Francisco
5. Garnet . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sapphire
6. Better slip with foot than tongue . . . . . .Well done is better than well said
7. Texas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Alaska
8. Star Wars . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lord of the Rings
9. The Cat in the Hat . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Horton the Elephant
10. Bats in the Belfry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Lost your marbles
11. Bronte . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Austen
12. Hugh Grant . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Colin Firth
13. Walmart . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Target
14. England . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Australia
15. Foggy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Blazing heat
16. Casual . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Meticulous
17. Washington . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Lincoln
18. Elvis . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Beatles
19. Coincidence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Planned
20. Myth . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Parable
21. East . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . West
22. Dictionary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Atlas
23. Luscious . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Lusty
24. Listen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Loyal
25. Loquacious . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Laconic
I thought a few "L" words make for a longer, lilting, lovely list. Look forward longingly for your leanings.

Five Lists

I am not one to pass up a list, so I will follow in Book's, Myke's and Katie's Five Footsteps. I believe Myke was hopping on one foot.

Five things in my fridge:

1. Assorted low-fat puddings and jellos. Yes, jello has no fat so mine is also sugar-free.

2. Activa yogurt. Yummy

3. Fresh corn and cucumbers from a lady at work. I sure appreciate a person who gardens.

4. 2 tupperware containers I was too scared to look in.

5. A loaf of seven-grain bread.

Five things in my purse:

1. 3 heavy sets of keys

2. Checkbook in a lovely lavender leather cover. Love those L's.

3. Assorted cards . . . credit, debit, library, insurance, business, license, Blockbuster, etc.

4. My driving glasses

5. $37, I'm rich

Five things in my car:

1. Sun visor

2. Two CD's . . "Under the Sea" by Keane (Not as good as their other one. but still good. Great on the piano and the lead singer has a beautiful voice) and "What's Left of Me" by Nick Lachy. (Not bad, I like it and he is surprisingly nice to look at, only not while I'm driving)

3. Scissors and adhesive tape

4. $1.86 in loose change

5. A gum wrapper that is not in the trash.

Five things in my closet (I forgot this list originally)
1. 18 jigsaw puzzles

2. Five purses

3. Old issues of the Ensign and Childrens Friend

4. Luggage

5. A huge stuffed lion and a small stuffed lamb lying down together

Five People I will Tag:

I'm like Book. What does this mean. I see the Katie has tagged me and most everyone that I might tag. So anyone else, tag, you're it.